


Hold Me Together

by letmegeekatyou



Series: Pillow Talk [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Consent, Cuddling & Snuggling, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1517732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean killed the monster, so Sam and Cas have to share a bed, but they discover that it's really quite nice. It helps them both feel stronger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Together

"I ganked the wendigo, that means you two have to share," Dean smirked at Sam and Cas as the three of them stumbled into the motel room, covered in mud and…other stuff. Cas could see that Sam was regretting the bet, and he was sorry to make things awkward, but the borrowed grace was all but gone, and he needed to sleep as much as they did. Still, he didn’t want to make his friend uncomfortable.

"The floor is fine. I can ask at reception for an extra blanket," Cas said, starting to head back toward the door.

"Hey, hold up." Sam stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "I don’t mind, really. And I don’t think you want to get too close to this carpet," he added, pulling a face at the floor, which was not really much worse off with wendigo remains on it than it had been before. Cas smiled. He was exhausted, and he resisted the urge to lean into Sam’s hand in gratitude.

"Thank you, Sam. You are very gracious." He gave Dean a pointed look, but Dean just rolled his eyes and headed for the bathroom, probably to use up all the hot water.

Cas sat heavily on one of the beds to wait. He was bruised all over, and his joints felt somehow loose, like the fight had knocked out some of the screws that held his human body together. As if, had he the energy to move, he wouldn’t be able to do stand up again without losing pieces of himself that were no longer properly attached. It was uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Sam sat beside him, frowning. "Need me to check out your injuries?"

"No, thank you. I am just… feeling very human right now. Fragile, and tired."

Sam considered that carefully, then he reached out, somewhat cautiously, to take Cas’s hand in his own. The gesture was surprising—Castiel understood it to be a rather intimate one among humans—but also very pleasant. Sam’s hand was warm and strong against his, and he could imagine his bones knitting themselves back together under the touch.

"I know it’s hard," Sam said. "Feeling fragile. After I got off the demon blood… it was awful. My body felt weak and useless, ready to fall apart, and I was afraid that everything I touched would break me, because I didn’t have the blood to strengthen me anymore."

"But you  _are_ strong, Sam. Even without the blood, you are a warrior.”

Sam brought up his other hand to hold Cas’s in both of his.

"So are you," he said quietly. "It’s just going to take some time to remember."

"This…this helps," Cas ventured. "Your touch. It feels like you’re holding me together." Sam smiled and leaned over until their shoulders touched, and Cas finally gave into the urge to rest against him.

They separated when they heard the shower stop, not ashamed but not particularly wanting to explain themselves to Dean, either. Sam let Cas shower next, although he knew that the third shower wouldn’t have any hot water at all, and he laid back on the bed while he waited for his turn. Dean was listening to music with his headphones—they all looked for some kind of privacy now and again on these hunting trips, and music was Dean’s—and Sam had his thoughts to himself.

What he hadn’t told Cas, or anybody, was that he hadn’t really gotten over the addiction. Probably never would; there would always be a part of him that missed the supernatural strength. He had spent so much of his life feeling vulnerable, feeling like his body wasn’t his own, that being able to defend himself as he had before was always going to be a temptation.

But holding Cas’s hand, feeling the angel lean into him like he would collapse if Sam wasn’t there…it made him feel stronger than he had in a long time. If he could do that for Cas, hold him together when he was feeling ready to fall to pieces, maybe that was another kind of supernatural strength. And there was something else, too; a warmth in his stomach and a smile that he couldn’t quite hold back while they were holding hands. That was new, but in a good way, a way that made the thought of sharing a bed with Cas exciting and a little scary.

Dean was out like a light by the time Sam finished with his shower, and Cas was already in Sam’s bed, stretched out on his side, facing away. He was close to the far edge, like he was afraid to take up too much space, and it made Sam’s heart ache.

"You awake?" he whispered, pulling back the covers and sliding in.

"Yes. Do you have enough room?"

"Yeah, more than enough. You don’t have to be so far away, you know."

"I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You were very kind earlier, Sam, but I don’t want you to feel obligated. I believe this is what Dean calls ‘giving you space,’ insofar as I can in this bed."

Sam considered Cas’s back for a moment, thinking over what he felt for his friend, what they’d shared earlier and how he, at least, had felt about it.

"Cas, I’d like to touch you. Would that be alright?"

"…Yes, if you want to."

"Only if you want me to."

"I do," Cas answered. "I would like that."

Sam’s heart tightened at that, and he reached out slowly to rest his hand on Cas’s shoulder, squeezing gently before stroking his arm, letting his long fingers spread across Cas’s back and rub away some of the knots there. Castiel softened under his hand, and the rigid posture he’d held at the edge of the bed started to collapse a little as he leaned back into the touch.

"Cas," Sam murmured, pulling gently at his shoulder until Cas was laying on his back and they could see each other’s faces in the dim light. "You said that when I held your hand, it felt like I was holding you together. It… it felt the same for me. You made me feel stronger, too."

Cas looked up at him curiously for a moment before he realized what Sam was asking him. What a beautiful way to say it, he thought. What a beautiful heart.

"I would like it if we held each other tonight, Sam," he finally answered, shifting to lay on his side again, this time facing Sam, and reaching out to trace his lines—his jaw, his neck, his collarbone—with careful fingers. Sam let out a sigh and closed his eyes as Cas’s hand roamed over his shoulder, then his chest, finally finding his hand between them on the bed. "I would like to touch you. I would like you to touch me."

Sam nodded, and they gravitated toward one another, awkwardly at first but with smiles and soft touches and whispered questions and answers until finally they were wrapped up in each other, their heartbeats falling into a steady shared rhythm and their lips pressed softly against each other’s cheeks. All night they held each other, and in the morning, although they still felt infinitely human, they also felt nothing could break them apart.

Dean, not one to miss an opportunity, stole another hot shower while they stayed in bed cuddling.


End file.
